Being a Friend Through the Hard Stuff.

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"Scripture quoted by permission. All scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the NET Bible® copyright ©1996-2016 by Biblical Studies Press, L.L.C. All rights reserved.".

I burned the midnight oil late last night.  

Not because I was working, watching movies or reading a good book. Not because I was up working on the mountain size pile of laundry sitting in the corner of my room that calls my name. 

I was on the phone with a friend. My friend was hurting. 

As my friend poured her heart out to me and asked questions I didn’t really have answers to, as I sat there listening: I prayed. I prayed for my friend. That God would guide her and comfort her. I asked God to give me the words to say to bring encouragement and comfort to her.

How to be a true friend. Friends for the hard times in life.
Derivative of Original Photo.



Feelings of inadequacy flooded my heart as I failed at really offering her any scripture to stand on. I could have excused myself from her need for a friend. I could have brushed her off as she cried for someone to listen to her and just be there with her. I could have used the excuse that I was feeling unqualified and overwhelmed. 

However, I felt God nudging me to be a friend through the hard stuff. 

Through God’s grace and mercy, He gave me the compassion, words and love to encourage my friend in that moment. I could have hiked tail and ran in the opposite direction. Yet, I choose to stand on God’s strength and allowed Him to use me. 

This morning, as the conversation replays in my mind, I’m reminded of a couple of people in the Bible and their stories of friendship that offer us a challenge and encouragement to dig deeper at really being a true friend; even through the hard stuff. 

Look at the story of Job. Job 2:11 says that after hearing of Job’s suffering, three of his friends left their homes to be with him, to comfort him and to minister to him. They wanted to meet Job where he was, in his raw pain. When they got to his house they didn’t even recognize him. (Job 2:12) 

What did Job’s friends do when they got to him? His friends mourned with him. They sat on the ground with him in silence for 7 days and 7 nights because they saw how great Job’s suffering was. 

Job’s friends didn’t offer any excuses to turn around after they saw how deep Job’s pain was. They sat with him through the hard stuff. 

Now let’s look at the story of Esther. 

As a side note, I love the book of Esther. When others ask who I would like to meet one day, my answer is always Esther.

I’m reminded of her digging deep in prayer and fasting for her people.  When a decree was sent out to have all the Jews killed, she asked everyone to fast and pray with her for 3 days and nights. (Esther 4:16)

She knew she’d have to go before the king to plead for the lives of her people. I’m sure many were her extended family and friends. 

She must have been filled with fear, knowing that if you go before the king without his summoning you first, there was a possibility of being put to death. She showed true friendship and leadership. Knowing it was the right thing to do, she risked her life to go before the king to save her people. 

She could have said no and let the massacre of the Jews happened but she didn’t. She loved her people. Even through the hard stuff.

It’s easy to be a friend when all is good, but are we being a friend through the hard stuff? 

I want to encourage you to dig deeper, stand above the crowd and be a true friend. 

Let’s be encouraged by the God’s Word. 

Luke 6:31
Do to others as you would have them do to you. 


Proverbs 17:17
A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity. 


Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: if either of them falls down, one can help the other up, but pity one who falls and has no one to help them up. 


The truth is we need each other. That is how God created us. Let’s link arms and be there for each other through the good, the bad and even the through really hard stuff. 

Besides, one day you might be the one needing a friend through your hard stuff. 

Much love, 

Starla J. 






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11 Comments

  1. Gloriously Ever After

    July 22, 2015 at 3:20 pm

    Very true… we really do need to be the kind of friend that we want to have in a friend! We need to be like the Lord… present. an ear. a shoulder. arms to wrap around. thanks for sharing

  2. chrissyluther

    July 22, 2015 at 4:06 pm

    Great post and reminder. So many times we get so caught up in our own stuff, that we forget to be a friend to someone else. Label me guilty of that one, but the Lord has brought it to my consciousness as an area where I can do better, by His power and grace.

  3. Maria Hass

    July 22, 2015 at 4:07 pm

    I'm going through some difficult days right now and I had a friend meet me at the gym at 9pm and workout with me until 10:20pm, just to help me relieve stress. So thankful for her. She couldn't offer tons of spiritual advice but she was definitely a God-sent, being there for me.

  4. Starla J.

    July 22, 2015 at 5:33 pm

    You are so right. Thank you for taking the time to comment.

  5. Starla J.

    July 22, 2015 at 5:34 pm

    I love friends like that. I've had God perfectly orchestrate a few women to come into my lives at a certain point to help me through my "hard stuff". What a blessing!

  6. Starla J.

    July 22, 2015 at 5:35 pm

    All by His power and grace! Thank you, Chrissy!!

  7. Aimee

    July 23, 2015 at 1:49 am

    You are such a wonderful friend, Starla!! Good, Godly friends are hard to come by. And being with a friend during times of grief doesn't mean they want answers from us, they just want a compassionate, listening ear. We live in a world where quick fixes are the norm and when we can't give it, we feel uncomfortable.
    Thanks for being a great friend to your friend.

  8. HungryForGod (Andi)

    July 23, 2015 at 11:20 am

    as long as we're doing things the way Christ would…

  9. Starla J.

    July 27, 2015 at 5:13 pm

    Thank you Aimee. You are so right.

  10. Heather @ My Overflowing Cup

    July 29, 2015 at 4:04 am

    The entire time I was reading this, I was thinking about what you said in your very last sentence. It isn't always easy to be a friend through the hard stuff, but we would want our friends to be there for us during our hard stuff.

    Such a great post, Starla! Thanks!

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