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We just received the news.
It’s not good. Not on one account but on two.
We sit on our couch and offer words of encouragement to one another.
“God will provide.”
“We’ll be okay.”
“We can make this work.”
“Things will change, but we’ll be stronger in the end.”
“God has never failed us before. He isn’t about to start now.”
We hug and kiss and he leaves to go blow up tanks with the boys.
I retreat to the kitchen to make dinner.
I crank the praise music and I trust.
I really do.
And yet the tears come.
I feel guilty.
If I trust Him, why do the tears flow so easily?
I feel as if somehow I am denying His faithfulness. My tears somehow feel like Peter’s repeated denials of our Savior.
And then I realize that our God is a God of grace. My tears are not a sign of my faithlessness. I can trust Him through the tears. I can trust that He will see us through our circumstances while mourning the loss of what was.
I can know with all of my heart that He will sustain us while still allowing my heart to break a little for the way things may change.
Perhaps in this moment I need to offer just a little of His grace to myself because those things my husband and I said to one another just moments ago are all true.
What we know of our generous and faithful God can be trusted far above what we can see about our circumstances.
As long as our joy is ultimately found in Him, we need to allow ourselves to feel pain, discouragement, and disappointment. To refuse those feelings is to deny that we are human. While I don’t want to live in subjection to my flesh, I am what I am. And by the grace of God, I am becoming who He is making me to be.
In years past, I would have been a basket case at this news. I would have sobbed continually, forgone food, and found sleep impossible.
Thank God I am not who I used to be! Praise God He is making me more like my Savior who trusts in the provision of God even when the road is difficult.
So I am offering myself just a little of His grace in this moment.
I won’t stay here long, but I am giving myself permission to let the tears flow because I am trusting Him in them.
Friend, do you need to extend some grace to yourself? Are your circumstances seemingly overwhelming? Does the future seem unsure and possibly lacking? Is the report one that delivers only bad news?
Give yourself some freedom to let the tears flow, but don’t let them wash away your faith. Trust Him through the tears because He is always good. He cares for us. He will never leave us or forsake us.
No matter how bad things seem. Give yourself some grace and let your humanity flow through your tears.
And then remember that our Savior wept. He wept, but He trusted the Father in all things.
And so must we.
Know that I am crying with you, friend. This world is hard and our hurts are real. Fears abound. The future is unknown.
Know that I am praying with you because our futures may be uncertain, but our God is unwavering in His promises.
Let us trust Him through the tears for just tonight because His mercies are new each morning. I don’t know what the future holds for us or for you, but I know that we can trust it to Him.
Let us cry, but let us trust Him through our tears.