How To Forgive Without An Apology (Best Tips)

Forgiving without an apology can be hard! In life, relationships can be messy. 

Also, there can be so much pain when we allow the bitterness of unforgiveness to creep into our hearts.

And that unforgiveness can affect many areas of our life and ultimately our relationship with God.

Some may be lighter offenses and at other times it can be an offense so great that the pain runs very deep.

A pain that only God can heal. Forgiving is hard, let alone forgiving without getting an apology.

Let’s look at a step by step guide to forgive someone who isn’t remorseful.

Forgiving Without An Apology: A Biblical Step-by-Step Guide

1. Understand the Essence of Forgiveness: Before we dive in, remember that forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves, more than the other person. Holding onto anger or resentment can be harmful to our own wellbeing. In Colossians 3:13 (NIV), it says, “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.“

2. Reflect on Jesus’ Example: When Jesus was on the cross, He prayed for those who crucified Him, saying in Luke 23:34 (NIV), “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” He didn’t wait for an apology. His love was unconditional.

3. Acknowledge Your Pain: It’s okay to admit that you’re hurt. King David did this many times in the Psalms. For example, in Psalm 55:22 (NIV) he says, “Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.” Share your pain with God in prayer.

4. Pray for Strength and Guidance: Seek God’s guidance in the process. Ask Him to fill your heart with His love and to give you the strength to forgive. Matthew 6:14 (NIV) reminds us, “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.“

5. Release the Need for an Apology: Realize that waiting for an apology might keep you in chains. By forgiving without it, you’re freeing yourself from those chains. Remember the Parable of the Unforgiving Servant in Matthew 18:21-35. The servant was forgiven a great debt, yet he couldn’t forgive a small debt of another. Jesus concludes by saying we should forgive from the heart.

6. Seek Support from Fellow Believers: Sharing your struggle to forgive with a trusted friend or Christian counselor can be healing. They can offer a listening ear, wise counsel, and pray with you. James 5:16 (NIV) tells us, “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.“

7. Keep in Mind that Forgiveness is a Process: It’s okay if you can’t forgive overnight. It might take time, and that’s okay. Remember Peter’s question in Matthew 18:21 (NIV), “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus replies, “Not seven times, but seventy-seven times.” It’s a reminder that forgiveness can be ongoing.

8. Live in the Freedom of Forgiveness: Once you’ve taken the steps to forgive, bask in the freedom it brings. Holding onto resentment can be like a heavy weight, but forgiveness can release that. Paul tells us in Ephesians 4:32 (NIV), “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.“

In conclusion, forgiving without an apology might be tough, but with God’s grace, love, and the support of the Christian community, it’s possible.

Remember, forgiveness is as much for your peace and healing as it is for the other person. Keep leaning on God’s Word and His promises as you walk this path.

How do we forgive someone who hasn’t apologized?

Matthew 6:14-15 (NIV)
“For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”

Should I Offer Forgiveness Without Repentance?

1. What is Repentance? Before we explore forgiveness, it’s good to know what repentance is. Repentance means a change of mind and heart that leads to a change in behavior. In the Bible, the word “repent” often means to “turn” or “return” to God.
2. The Example of Jesus: When Jesus was being crucified, He prayed for those who were hurting Him, saying, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” (Luke 23:34 NIV). Even in His pain, Jesus extended forgiveness without waiting for them to repent.
3. God’s Forgiveness Towards Us: The Bible tells us that while we were still sinners (meaning before we repented), Christ died for us (Romans 5:8 NIV). This shows that God’s love and offer of forgiveness was extended to us even before we turned back to Him.
4. The Call to Forgive: The Bible encourages believers to forgive. In Matthew 6:14 (NIV), Jesus says, “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.” The emphasis here is on our act of forgiving, not necessarily on the other person’s repentance.
5. Protecting Yourself: Offering forgiveness doesn’t mean allowing someone to continue hurting you. It’s okay to set boundaries. The Bible advises us to be wise. Proverbs 22:3 (NIV) says, “The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and pay the penalty.“
6. Seek Wisdom and Guidance: Sometimes, the situation might be complex. In such cases, it’s okay to seek wisdom from fellow believers, Christian leaders, or counselors. James 1:5 (NIV) tells us, “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.“
7. The Heart of the Matter: Remember that forgiveness is a matter of the heart. It’s about releasing resentment and bitterness. Whether the person repents or not, holding onto anger might hurt you more in the long run. Ephesians 4:31-32 (NIV) advises, “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger… Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.“

While the Bible values repentance, it also places a strong emphasis on the act of forgiving.

It can be a challenging journey, but remember you’re not alone.

Lean on God’s strength, seek wisdom, and remember the example of Jesus.

Offering forgiveness can bring peace to your heart and reflect the love of Christ to others.

“Let’s not confuse what forgiveness is and what reconciliation is. Forgiveness is a moral virtue in which the offended person tries, over time, to get rid of toxic anger or resentment and to offer goodness of some kind to the offending person. Reconciliation is not a moral virtue, but instead is a negotiation strategy in which two or more people come together again in mutual trust.” PsychologyToday

James 5:16 (NIV)
“Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.”

Why Should I Forgive Someone Who Isn’t Sorry?

1. Reflection of God’s Love:
   • Just as God forgave us unconditionally, we’re encouraged to show that same love to others.
   • Scripture: “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8 NIV)
2. For Your Own Peace:
   • Holding onto anger can be burdensome. Letting it go can bring you peace.
   • Scripture: “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.” (Ephesians 4:31 ESV)
3. To Be Obedient to Jesus’ Teachings:
   • Jesus taught about the importance of forgiveness throughout His ministry.
   • Scripture: “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.” (Matthew 6:14 NIV)
4. Break the Cycle of Revenge:
   • Forgiving helps prevent the endless loop of revenge and counter-revenge.
   • Scripture: “Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing.” (1 Peter 3:9 ESV)
5. For Spiritual Health and Growth:
   • Letting go of grudges can help you grow spiritually.
   • Scripture: “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” (Colossians 3:13 NIV)
6. To Be a Light to Others:
   • When we forgive, we become an example of God’s love to the world.
   • Scripture: “In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.” (Matthew 5:16 NIV)
7. Because We All Make Mistakes:
   • Everyone has times they’re in the wrong. By forgiving, we show grace that we too might need someday.
   • Scripture: “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,” (Romans 3:23 NIV)

In summary, while it’s not always easy, forgiving someone who isn’t sorry can be a beautiful reflection of God’s love.

It’s a decision that benefits not only the person being forgiven but also brings peace, growth, and spiritual well-being to the forgiver.

Remember, you’re not alone in this journey—lean on God’s strength and His promises.

Mark 11:25 (NIV)
“And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.”

Can You Move On Without An Apology

Absolutely! Moving on without an apology is possible, though it might be challenging.

Here’s a breakdown of why and how you can move on without waiting for an apology:

1. For Your Own Wellbeing: Holding onto resentment or waiting for an apology can be mentally and emotionally draining. Letting go allows you to find peace and can be a gift you give yourself.
2. Apologies Aren’t Always Genuine: Sometimes, even when apologies are given, they might not be sincere. Waiting for or relying on an apology might not always bring the closure you expect.
3. Personal Growth: Moving on without an apology can be an opportunity for personal growth. It teaches resilience, self-worth, and the value of inner peace over external validation.
4. Empowerment: Choosing to move on without an apology gives you control over your feelings and reactions. It’s a way of reclaiming power over your own emotional state.
5. Not Everyone Realizes Their Wrong: Sometimes, the person might not even realize they’ve hurt you, or they might see the situation differently. Waiting for them to have the same perspective might never happen.
6. External Validation Isn’t Always Necessary: Your feelings, experiences, and memories are valid, whether or not someone else acknowledges them.
7. Seeking Internal Closure: Sometimes, closure has to come from within. Reflecting, understanding your feelings, and deciding to move forward can be more healing than any words someone else might offer.
8. Building Stronger Boundaries: This experience can be a lesson in building and maintaining stronger personal boundaries to protect your emotional and mental wellbeing in the future.
9. Life is Short: Time is precious. Waiting indefinitely for an apology might mean missing out on happiness and peace in the present.
10. Seek Support: Talking to friends, family, or professionals can provide a perspective that helps in moving on. They can validate your feelings and offer guidance.

While apologies can be healing, they’re not the only path to peace and closure.

Recognizing your worth, seeking internal closure, and prioritizing your wellbeing can help you move forward, with or without that sought-after apology.

Remember, you deserve peace and happiness, and sometimes, granting yourself permission to move on is the first step to finding it.

Forgiveness VS Reconciliation

Both forgiveness and reconciliation are powerful concepts, especially in the context of personal relationships. However, they are distinct from one another. Here’s a breakdown of their differences:

Forgiveness:

1. Internal Process: Forgiveness is primarily an internal act. It’s a personal decision to let go of resentment, anger, and thoughts of revenge towards someone who has wronged you.
2. For Your Own Peace: The act of forgiving is often more about the person doing the forgiving than the one being forgiven. By forgiving, you release negative emotions that can harm your mental and emotional wellbeing.
3. Doesn’t Require the Other Person’s Participation: You can forgive someone even if they never apologize or admit their wrongdoing. It’s a unilateral decision.
4. Doesn’t Necessarily Mean Trust is Restored: While forgiveness is about letting go of negative emotions, it doesn’t automatically mean trust is rebuilt. Trust might require time and consistent effort to be re-established.
5. Not Conditional: True forgiveness is not based on the actions or reactions of the offender. It’s a choice made by the one who was wronged.

Reconciliation:

1. Restoration of Relationship: Reconciliation focuses on restoring a broken relationship. It’s about two parties coming back together after a conflict or estrangement.
2. Requires Mutual Participation: Unlike forgiveness, reconciliation typically requires effort and willingness from both parties involved. It’s a bilateral process.
3. Involves Addressing the Issue: For genuine reconciliation to occur, the root cause of the rift usually needs to be addressed and resolved. This often involves open communication and understanding each other’s perspectives.
4. May Involve Setting New Boundaries: Reconciliation might mean redefining the terms or boundaries of a relationship to prevent future conflicts or hurt.
5. Not Always Possible: While forgiveness is a choice you can make on your own, reconciliation might not always be achievable. Sometimes, for various reasons, it might be best for two parties to remain apart.

While forgiveness and reconciliation can work hand in hand, they are distinct processes.

You can have forgiveness without reconciliation, meaning you can let go of negative emotions without restoring a relationship.

However, genuine reconciliation often involves some level of forgiveness.

Understanding the differences between the two can help in navigating complex emotional landscapes and making informed decisions in personal relationships.

Also, forgiveness does not mean trusting them again.

Forgiveness is a solo journey to release resentment; trust and reconciliation are paths taken by two, built with time and consistency.

Forgiving Without An Apology Book

The book, The Process Of Forgiveness, has been one of the most helpful books that I have personally read on the topic of forgiveness. Highly recommend!

Bible Verses On Forgiveness

Here are 5 Bible verses on forgiveness along with their meanings:

1. Matthew 6:14-15 (NIV)

• “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”

Meaning: Jesus emphasizes the importance of forgiving others. If we want God’s forgiveness, we should be ready to extend the same grace to others. The act of forgiving reflects God’s nature in us.

2. Colossians 3:13 (NIV)

• “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”

Meaning: Believers are encouraged to be patient with each other, recognizing that everyone has flaws. Just as God forgives us for our imperfections, we should be willing to forgive those who wrong us.

3. Luke 23:34 (NIV)

• “Jesus said, ‘Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.’ And they divided up his clothes by casting lots.”

Meaning: Even during His crucifixion, Jesus exemplified perfect forgiveness. Despite facing immense suffering, He prayed for the forgiveness of those causing Him pain, showing us the depth of true unconditional love and forgiveness.

4. Ephesians 4:31-32 (NIV)

• “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”

Meaning: Christians are encouraged to shed negative emotions and behaviors, replacing them with kindness and compassion. Our model for this transformation is the forgiveness we’ve received from God through Christ.

5. 1 John 1:9 (NIV)

• “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”

Meaning: God is always ready to forgive us when we come to Him with a repentant heart. Not only does He forgive, but He also purifies, meaning He cleanses us from the effects and stains of our wrongdoings.

In all these verses, the central theme is the boundless capacity of God’s forgiveness and the call for believers to emulate this divine attribute in their own lives.

By understanding and internalizing these teachings, we can better appreciate the grace we’ve received and extend it to others.

Get a 30 day list of Bible verses on forgiveness HERE.

Forgiving Without An Apology Prayer

Dear Lord, I thank You for that You help me forgive others, and I choose to forgive everyone who has hurt me. Help me set [name anyone who has offended you] free and release them to You [Romans 12:19]. Help me bless those who have hurt me [Romans 12:14]. Help me walk in peace, joy, & strength as I work on forgiving this person. I choose to be kind and compassionate, forgiving others, just as You forgave me [Ephesians 4:32]. Help me to set healthy boundaries as I work on forgiving. In Jesus’ name, amen.

What is your favorite Bible verse that helps you Forgiving Without An Apology? Let us know in the comments below.

Devotional On Forgiveness

This 7-day devotional on forgiveness is a transformative journey of grace, humility, and healing. Through daily scripture readings and reflections, you’ll discover the power of forgiveness to bring freedom, restoration, and peace to your life and relationships.

Join us on this journey of forgiveness and experience the transformative power of God’s love. This is a 23 page printable.

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Bible Verses on Forgiveness – Do you have a favorite Bible Verse on Forgiveness? How do you forgive when the pain runs so deep it catches your breath? Or when the mention of the person who caused you pain sends your heart in a race of fear or raging in anger? Let’s go over some practical steps and Bible verses on forgiveness that have helped me and still help me to this day.

Praying for those that hurt us – God doesn’t want us to take revenge, hate, nor return the hurt towards those that have scarred our hearts. And equally, He doesn’t want us holding onto the pain and letting it fester inside us and allowing it to turn into bitterness.

Practical Steps on Forgiveness – Do you know how to forgive someone? Is it just me? People throw around the “just forgive” phrase and I am still sitting there asking how as they walked away. Completely stumped. I know I’m supposed to forgive; the real-life steps on how to forgive was beyond me. 

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