Forgiving with out an Apology
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In life, relationships can be messy. There can be so much pain when we allow the bitterness of un-forgiveness to creep into our hearts. Some may be lighter offenses and at other times it can be an offense so great that the pain runs deep. A pain that only God can heal. Forgiving is hard, let along forgiving without an apology.
When we find ourselves in the position of needing to ask for forgiveness from someone; quickly and sincerely offer an apology. Not only from our spouse, but from God. It hurts God when we hurt each other.
In 1 John 1:9, it tells us that when we seek forgiveness of our sins, God is faithful to forgive us and cleanse us of them. I don’t know about you, but I need to humble myself daily before God and seek His forgiveness and guidance.
In marriage, if your spouse is quick to be humble and apologize than count yourself as being blessed!
However, there may be a time when your spouse doesn’t apologize for something he has done against you. No matter what the offense. Being a simple, silly offense like eating that last chocolate chip cookie knowing all to well that you claimed that cookie, you touched it, licked it, wrote your name on it and he still ate it! hahaha Or a deeper, greater offense that would bring your marriage to its knees and riddled with so much hurt that only God can save.
Sometimes forgiving someone is hard. If the pain is deep, I understand it’s not so easy and it must be a process not an event. Forgiving without an apology is hard. Are we commanded by God to forgive?
How do we forgive someone who hasn’t apologized?
Should I Offer Forgiveness Without Repentance?
It is true that the full effect of forgiveness can only happen if the other person believes they need it and want it. That’s why it’s so frustrating when you want to forgive somebody and they don’t think they need any forgiveness. But we do not wait for that, right? We don’t wait for them to do their half before we do our half. We must be rid of bitterness and grudges right away. We do what Jesus did on the cross.
In 1 Peter it’s described so powerfully. This is how Christ set an example for us: “When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten,” — in fact, he prayed for their forgiveness; here’s what it says — “but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly” (1 Peter 2:23). – Desiring God
Bible Verses on Forgiveness
We are ALL sinners so therefore we should forgive because we want God to forgive us.
Matthew 6:14-15 KJV
“For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. “
Colossians 3:13 KJV
“Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.”
In Matthew 18:15, the bible tells us that if someone has sinned against us to go and talk about it with them. I also know that if the offense is huge, sometimes that confrontation or conversation is so hard and it may be easier to forgive and stay at a distance until God leads you to initiate restoration. Setting healthy boundaries is necessary.
Forgiving without an apology
Forgiveness helps us to be more like Christ.
Forgiveness brings us closer to God.
Forgiveness is at the core of emotional well being.
Remember the parable Jesus told in Matthew 18:23-35? Basically it’s telling of a certain king who had a servant that was in debt to him and the servant could not pay. The servant was released from his debt to the king. The forgiven servant had a fellow-servant that owed him money, but he would not forgive his fellow-servant from his debt. When the king heard of his un-forgiveness, the king was angry and punished him. We must forgive because Christ forgave us.
Holding on to the hurt and pain will only hinder us from true healing. Un-forgiveness can put a wedge between us and the true inner healing God has for us. It puts a wall up between us and God.
Forgiveness is not condoning the bad behavior. It is not forgetting what has happened. It is not restoring trust to the offender. It is not doing that person a favor nor is it easy. Forgiveness is a process.
Forgiving someone even if they haven’t apologized is about your freedom, your spiritual life, trusting God, and your responsibility to move forward.
Knowing who you are in Christ is so important in forgiving others. Their sin is about them. It doesn’t label who you are. Remind yourself who you are in Christ. It’s so important to your healing through this great pain.
Also forgiving doesn’t mean you trust them again. No, it means you are stepping out and trusting God!
We forgive because God has forgiven us.
Luke 23:24 KJV “Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do. And they parted his raiment, and cast lots.”
How do you forgive without an apology?
How to Forgive Someone Who Will Never Say Sorry
- Peace into the present. Whether you realize it or not, if you hold on to resentment, you’re living in the past.
- Flip your focus from others to yourself.
- Take responsibility for your feelings.
- Own your part.
- Stop looking to feel slighted.
- Apply a loving lens.
No, it’s not easy to forgive. But, the more I listen to God and read what He says the more I understand how to react in a godly way; it becomes easier. I gradually lose my “human” perspective on what is right and wrong and enter into God’s way of thinking. – Active Christianity
Forgiving and reconciling are not the same. You are free to forgive even if the other refuses to apologize. Forgiveness is about your relationship with God and not a gift to others.
So, ladies, I want to encourage you to seek God about needing help forgiving without an apology offered. Letting God guide and heal you. Give to God any un-forgiveness you may hold in your hearts so that you may have that true inner healing from Him.